Bruised Foot, Twisted Ankle, Skinned Knee

I've decided to take a new direction with this blog. There will most likely still be discussion of writing and Cliterature, but I need an outlet for something else that I've lived with most of my life.

People who know me know I'm a prodigious klutz. I've tripped going up stairs, over my own pant leg, in the middle of the street, and honestly run into doors/drawers more times than I care to share. I've had at least five concussions in the past 15 years -- falling down a grassy hill in 1993, falling down an icy hill in 2005, falling into a brick wall in 2006, falling down in the bathroom in 2007, and standing up and hitting the freezer door handle in 2010. (There may be others. I've forgotten.) I've had an air conditioning unit fall on me, slipped on a wet mat at a water park, and astonished friends and family members with a creative knack for klutziness. Despite everything, I have yet to break a bone.

I'd like to begin some sort of record of this. Sometimes I think if I had lived 1000 years ago, they would have written epic poetry about me and my stories of accidental self-injury.

So. The day before yesterday, I dropped a large glass jar of strawberry jam on my right foot. (Ironically, where it landed and where the bruise is overlaps a childhood scar from when I tripped over a badminton net and split the top of my foot open.) Then last night, while lifting my leg to cross it over the other, I hit the same foot on the coffee table. I woke up this morning and noticed it was sore, and I was leaving my apartment I thought to myself, "Oh, that foot doesn't feel right at all. You should keep an eye on it."

Not thirty seconds later as I'm crossing the road, I miss a pothole just by the curb and capsize, twisting my left ankle and landing in gravel in the process. When I get to work, I have a moment to actually assess the damage. In addition to two already fairly old bruises on my left leg, my kneecap is now red, shredded by the gravel, and bruised. You can actually see individual bruises from individual pieces of gravel.

(I'd also like to mention that this is the same knee I twisted when I was nine and went to a water park. It's never been the same since.)